Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.