almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.