I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.