As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
