guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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