I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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