I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
