I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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