call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
