don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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