The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
