I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
