I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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