Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
