I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Send help, water and tortillas.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
