it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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