Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
