My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i now understand why vodka
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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