I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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