you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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