he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
