Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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