I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
