I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
