He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
