We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
