I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
