the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
