Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
