Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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