Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
