i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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