Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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