At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
