You're my little dorito
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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