yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
