do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
