Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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