My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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