Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ttyl tear gas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped