He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?