note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
