Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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