If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
