Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
