And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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