I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
