guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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