I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
