She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
