Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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