we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
