Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
