Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
