none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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