also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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