Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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