good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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