Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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