as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
