lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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