after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your cock deserves a montage
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
