I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize