There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
