My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
