she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My life is pants optional.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
