I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
