I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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