i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
