Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
