Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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