Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
